As the rest of The Goat Review staff shook their heads and calmly returned to work, Pong Goat and Goose-dimensional Being of Extreme Slam Damage *GASP* ventured down to the deepest sewer they could find — on a quest to cover all slam released in January 2026. Where the hammers slam wildly and the vocals are as guttural as a bowel movement, only the goats and geese would go — and as they dove deeper into the sewers, it was only pain they found. Slamuary — a vain pursuit and a waste of time, a testament to the absurdity of animalistic behavior. Be it goregrind, brutal slamming death metal, goregrind, brutal slamming goregrind, gorenoise or any other number of totally distinguishable microgenres — as long as it slams, it counts.
AS THE GEESE DISAPPEAR BELOW THE SLAM THE GOATS KEEP GULPING FORWARDS
Pong-Addled Goat Enthusiast
A while back, I saw PeelingFlesh live supporting All Shall Perish. While PeelingFlesh's sound is quite gimmicky in how the rap samples interact with the barbaric, incredibly stupid slam, I must admit that it worked quite well: PeelingFlesh takes the wigger attitude inherent to a big subsection of modern slam and amplifies it to 11, complete with permanently clipping samples and a sound that was generally too loud. What I don´t welcome is this style finding too many imitators. PeelingFlesh have found their lane, the lane is very narrow, don´t cram more acts into it. Worm Alert and Clown Vomit didn´t get the memo. In fact, they decided to go one step further and don´t even have growls, pig squeals or anything death metal related besides the slams. I was pretty annoyed for most of it, which shows: even something that is dumb and idiotic can be done very, very wrong.
Rating: 3/10
The second album this year that is strangely obsessed with derelict internal female anatomy after Womb Tomb's Cooch Crypts annihilated our speakers and tested our patience. Emasculated Vituperation, unlike Womb Tomb, is not so bad its fascinating, but instead really well made slam with a noticeable influence from goregrind of the Czech variety. Absolutely ridiculous vocals, at times double tracked, that are closer to a rhythmic synth instrument lock in tightly with drums and guitars and work together with them to make an overall quite enjoyable affair. Also, this is one of the most plastic-y snares I heard this year - soft recommendation to be vituperated.
Rating: 6/10
I have been traumatized by slam albums that have the Pokemon Lugia on it. Admittedly, this one is black rather than pearly white and, as far as I can tell, it doesn´t have G-cup honkers, but I am still approaching with caution. Whereas big honkers Lugia was more of a repetitive affair that stretched one slam riff into two songs, this one is closer to a pure noise assault, with production and vocals being pushed to such an extreme that anyone would be forgiven to think their headphones had just been broken. I still haven´t quite understood the connection between Lugia and slam. Is it sexual? Pornographic, even? What compels a musician to make a Lugia themed slam album? This is the real question of ダークルギア's existence and one I don´t think we´ll ever see answered.
Rating: 3/10
As the war in Ukraine keeps going on seemingly indefinitely and it's becoming clear that Russia is trying to meddle and destabilize western civilization by introducing more and more digital psyop's, I´ve become increasingly more skeptical about checking out Russian releases. Will there be hidden messages that will radicalize me or turn me into a sleeper agent just like in the Leslie Nielsen classic The Naked Gun or in the Charles Bronson classic Telefon? I had very little reservation about checking out neprevzoydennyy eblan, though - if this was a psyop, it would be a very ineffective one, as most listeners would turn it off immediately. This is underground slam with very little rhyme or reason, with all the songs sounding noticeably different in writing, production and general quality, but with none of them reaching the level of bearable music, with the worst offender being the 6th track with its horrendously ugly and sharp sounding piano samples. Maybe this is a Ukrainian counter psyop? Rating: 2/10
